It is important to know and recognize the vital signs of a relationship’s potential. When I meet people and we talk about whether a relationship should continue or die, I quickly discover that relationship don’t break suddenly, the danger signal begins blinking long before a break up is imminent but the people were not watching out for them. Those times were actually opportunities to restructure and recognize those threats before they threaten your marriage or relationship.
I am not a fan of broken relationships and I will never be a fan of divorce. But then there are some courtships, dating or love relationships that will have too drastic an effect. The greatest tragedy of a broken relationship is not the loss of the intimate relationship, it’s a broken heart. When we break up, we leave behind parts of us thereby entering into another relationship defective. It is therefore important to know when to hang in or work on it, and when to move on, to understand when conflict is healthy and when it is destructive.
Caveat! It is crucial to know there are no absolutes, especially when dealing with human behaviour. These are some of the vital signs I thought about, you are free to add yours to it. There might be trouble;
- If God tells you it is wrong. There are times when we enter into relationships even though we know we know it is wrong, even when our friends tell us we are making a mistake, especially when it seems the person it too good to be true- it probably is. Somehow, those things come back to hang us by the wrists.
- If there is no one, no value, and no being to which you both submit to. There might be fire on the mountain. It is essentially proven that for any relationship to succeed, the two individuals should not be the center of attention of the relationship, something else, you both value and that will not get tired- God, vision, value could be in the center.
- If you aren’t thinking of the future together. Have you ever thought about the future without imagining him/her there? You you plan your lives independelndependently of each other? Does he/she ever tell you about her /his plan without thinking of you? It’s probably because you are not in the picture yet.
- If you are relating from the position of need. If you need the relationship to survive. If you need to be in the relationship. Is is a dangerous thing if you enter a relationship because the lady/man is filling a particular emptyness in your life.it is really not a good sign if your happiness depends on another person. It makes your happiness dependent of the actions and inactions of another person. Also goes to the paerson who enters a relationship because he feels he needs to fix the other persons life. Remember, a relationship or marriage is not a tool for evangelism, neither is it a tool to change the other person. When the contract between the fixer and the fixed is finished or cannot work out, they will look for another challenge.
- If there’s no Chemistry: chemistry or passion is what makes a friendship (commitment, intimacy) graduate into a love relationship. No relationship will last long if the love and passion in the relationship is one-sided. The giver one day will be tired of putting so much into the relationship without receiving love. Every strong relationship is built on mutual strength, companion friendships and support. There is also
- If you lose nothing if you end the relationship, it’s probably not worth much to you. Your partner should serve as an important source of encouragement, strength and support. At every slight disagreement, if you think of leaving and can readily think of getting another guy/girl, you may probably do that soon. It is an indication that no value is being added in the relationship.
- If you have not learnt to fight successfully. Fighting successfully means the ability to fight and take corrections, the ability to disagree and not allow that to destroy the fabric of your relationship. Most couples in the heat of argument say things they never meant and that signals the end of a wonderful relationship. Times and moments of anger brings out the hidden person within, and if the two people have not mastered the art of coping with that person, an end might be imminent too.
- If you are not open to change and growth. Relationships bring about new challenges and there may be need to constantly become accustomed to attitudes, mindsets, thought patterns and people we never thought we could never thought we could never cope with. More importantly, we will need to change and grow, but if we are comfortable and rigid about our mindsets, perceptions and attitudes, you may soon have to create a relationship with them! Long lasting relationships are built on the ability to complement and adapt to each other and the situations as they come around.
- If the person exhibits a behaviour that makes the relationship difficult to stay. There are behaviours and attitudes such as fits of rage, stubbornness, smoking,one partners’ undue submission to external influence. Or if your partner sees himself incapable of changing.
