The last few months have been a bit busy and decisive for me. amidst of those, Í’ve had to witness weddings and had opportunities to gain insight into some issues that cause some others to fail…Bouncing back from a broken relationship is not as easy as some people think it is. There are few things that batter the heart more than a broken heart. Too many people enter into relationships and even marriages with a retinue of intimate memories and pains gotten from previous involvement in relationships, which if not handled well can become thick cobwebs on the plane mirror of a sound marriage. A popular misconception, which has been engrained in our memories that broken love relationships are better than broken marriages has not helped us at all; in as much as this is true, none is fine, which do you think which is better? Dying on the way to the airport by car, or being brought back from an air crash scene- dead. Why choose one when you can choose none? This idea has unconsciously given us the license to jump in and out of relationships seething with trails of bitterness due to “sudden break-ups”.
What does it matter since I’m married? Yes! This is because researchers have found out and proven again and again, that the principles that will sustain marriages are usually cultured at the beginning of the love relationships, but forgotten few years and months after marriage. Thus, reducing the marriage into a series of roles and routines. The irony of these facts is that “loveless states of love” do not, against all our sentiments and feelings, happen suddenly. Certain attitudes, behaviours and mentalities give indications and signals that tell us that our love relationships are about to ship-wreck. (relation-ship). Few of the indicators are given below;
Sometimes we believe because we are in love things will automatically work out in our relationships, but often times, it is not true. Love at first sight is not enough. Why should we pay attention to how we build the relationship? Because love is a fusion of personalities, attitudes, experiences, hopes and aspirations. You can’t expect that to be easy. Many of us also believe that because God has said it, things will automatically work out for us in our relationships. The person that comes into our lives might be a gift from God, what we make out of that relationship is our gift back to him.
We all know what a financial bank account is. We make deposits from time to time to build up a reserve from which we can make withdrawals when we need to. Then we imagine the two individuals involved in a love relationship having “emotional bank accounts”. Every time we show courtesy, kindness, honesty and commitment, you build up your emotional bank reserves, every time you overreact, ignore, cheat or lie, I deplete the trust and commitment reserves in the relationship. The attitude and behaviour of each one of the lovers make deposits or withdrawals from our emotional accounts. If lovers continually destroy the accounts within the relationship, they will end up with empty accounts and dispassionate and unfulfilled lives…and suddenly, things end. many of us take pride in being recievers, who do not have to do anything to make relationships work. that was the same thought of the green grass during rainy season. there may be times which all that
When commuting by air, land and sea, excess luggage predisposes passengers to danger. A baggage is a metaphor for unnecessary issues, expectations and experiences we tend to carry into our relationships. When these issues are allowed, for example; false expectations and fear because of our past, attitudes we got away with while being uncommitted or the acquired traits, gotten from our parents or previous relationships, or the unnecessary interruptions from external forces/people…the list of unwanted baggage is almost endless. When these are allowed into fruitful relationships, it discolours the potential of the relationship, and causes our personal preferences and views overshadow the benefits of the relationship.
These are just three, there are still some in the kitty,I will continue tomorrow.