What women want

I’m so sorry again for being off for a while. My internet connection and website had some challenges and I had to solve them before attempting to write any post. But then, this aspect is more difficult to put down. I’ve met people since my last post (what men want), who were looking forward to the one about women. Some have argued that I was not going to get points down because even most women don’t know what they want. I agree.

There are lots of factors that make women more complex than men. Most guys in relationships spend a lot of time racking their heads and trying to figure out what their mate is thinking. My attempt will require some definitions so that my points can land on the right soil. There are many kinds of women- young, old, fat, skinny, talkative, quiet, Muslim, even Christians have qualifications… funky and geeks. Each category wants different things, different men for their different personalities and reasons. It’s enough to drive a man crazy. Kai!

I therefore need to qualify the kind of woman.

I mean women not girls – let’s clear that. I clearly think as a lady matures, the TDH syndrome (crush, mushy butterfly feelings…) gradually moves down the rung of her priorities that is why I generally advise young ladies not to make hasty choices at this stage of their lives… or why make a choice that will last as long as you are not yet wise. Most of them who make choices at this stage of their get to discover various aspects of their partner they never knew existed. Some guys have even been heartbroken because once the lady gets matured, the relationship becomes a prison and there has to be a jailbreak! But she said she loved me, what does she want anyway? One distinguishing feature is discernment- the ability to make good judgement devoid of emotions and sentiments. I love the bible verse that says, ‘’like a ring in a pigs snout, so is a maiden without discernment’, the MSG translation says “like a ring in a pig’s snout, so is a beautiful lady with an empty head.”

It is however better to focus on what real women want: the women who make guys feel good, and are able to motivate them to be  better men.

1. Men who are bold and decisive about their interests and beliefs.

There is something electric about a guy who is bold about his convictions. Some people women fall for people like this and say they love power, naa, they love passion. Inevitably, people who are passionate about what they do and believe in will succeed anyway. Secretly, women want their men to take the lead, take rational decisions and lock himself on his vision like a guided missile.

2. Women want a guy every lady wants.

Now I’m getting into troubled waters. This is known for a fact there is something attractive about a guy who has gathered immense value and most women will love to have him as a partner. Most men will agree that once they have a lady in a relationship, other women suddenly get interested in them. This has been responsible for lily-livered men hopping from one person to another in the hope of finding one better than the other. The truth is that there is a “must have” quality about a guy that makes a woman want him. To be wantable? Just be a guy that women love to spend their time with.

3. Man who makes her second on her commitment list

This is again contestable, but then though every woman wants to be appreciated, loved and dotted over, she will never appreciate a man obsessed with her. A guy who ever tells a lady she is the number one on his life list dangerously communicates a message to the lady; it is a risky venture to trust you- you are either too weak or just a freaking liar. Your obsession or insecurity drives women away faster.

A lady loves you more if she sees you value your faith, principles and integrity above her. It probably secures her trust and commitment. Every man should commit himself to something greater than fulfilling the needs of one person. There is an innate desire for any couple to commit themselves to something higher- a higher calling, value, ideals and God.

4. A man who is not threatened.

Believe me, not all women want every guy they meet to be worth millions of cash, look like Denzel Washington, built like Sylvester Stallone and talks like Beckham. They don’t expect you to be threatened by the achievements of the woman. They want a relationship where they will be allowed space to dream and be supported by their man. They want to know that their man supports them. There is no pride for a lady who has amassed a lot of fame and wealth, but then the husband is dying daily under the weight of her status. It’s hurting for a lady whose dream is being limited because the guy refuses to fly.

Women want a guy who will be their coach in life and not a competitor. But they DO want you to be headed towards success. They DO want you to have direction and pursuing it, not one looking back to see if the woman is catching up. Not feeling threatened because the he did not get a job. Hey they really do not want a guy mopping but as long as you’re heading towards your goals in life, you’re bound to attract women. And more importantly, reach your own personal success.

5. A feeling of security.

Women want to feel safe with a man. They want to know that everything’s gonna be all right. This doesn’t mean you have to be strong and bossy, or have millions of cash. It just means you have to talk reassuringly to her, look after her safety, and assure her when she needs it that things are going to be OK.

It also means offering protection, when she needs it. If she’s being threatened, defend her territory.

6. Express love actively.

Women love men who appreciate and express their love actively. They want to see, and not only see, they also want to hear your confession of love. A man is an active giver of love, not a passive receiver. Nowhere in the entire Bible did the Bible say that the woman should love the man, it says she should respect her- it is the duty of the man to love.

Not just in Gifts, but your all; time, energy, words, service and in any way possible to demonstrate the profession of love. Women want a man who is intelligent yet sensitive and kind to their emotional needs. It is an important characteristic that imply the man will share his resources and continue reliably protecting and caring for the family in all future unforeseen circumstances.

7. Women want men who admit they are human and can make mistakes.

Women desperately want a man to prove himself woman. The era of a man being the textbook superman is over and the ability to be true to their feelings and expressing their admission of guilt is an attractive magnet. He doesn’t run and hide from the tests of fear. He turns toward them and engages them boldly. If he fails at anything he seeks support and affirmation from the wife. His lady becomes his succour, the one proof that he can succeed if he ever tries again. To prove being a 21^st century Superman is to deny a woman of her role in being supportive of the man.

I think I’ll stop here, I have a meeting in Shagamu tomorrow…

N.B.:- am getting my numbers mixed up… all corrected!