orange academy

My week is going to be very interesting. I am in the final week after going through the war room 11 of Orange Academy’s School of Brand Advertising. It’s been four weeks of fun and work excitement. I am presently working on our final presentations for the final battle with the other mock advertising agency.
The school, though two years old, is one institution that has done a lot in stamping it’s presence into the heart of Brand and Advertising Industry in Nigeria. Bespectacled Kenny Badmus, who initially struck me as a nerd is one great guy full of expressions and fun. For someone responsible for the new generation of orange diplomats in various industries, he did not fail to prove his stuff.  He took us round the world of copy, strategic planning, brand innovation and management.

The programme was structured like a practical reality show, though without hidden and spy cameras. We were organised into two advertising agencies- BAD and ACE. These two agencies have been given the task of branding a health drink which should be in the market in the next few months. I must confess, ACE agency has done a lot more talking than working; not because I’m in BAD agency, it because I know the rules of engagement. But whichever team wins on Sunday, I must say I’ve worked with a great team altogether.
Despite BAD consisting of people from different  sectors of the Nigeria industry, we did not fail to exude synergy.From our meetings at night to the groups’ mails, calls and to our brandishing of idea daggers, verbal postures and compromise, I’ve had a lot of fun. But then, the intense work before Sunday remains.
Sunday represents the final pitch day and the 2nd anniversary of the Academy. I finally decided today to be one of the presenters for my group- that means more work. So I would be one of people telling ACE where their PLACE is- at the BASE!

For a school with so much achieved at 2,

I say congratulations to the entire Orange Academy Team.

1000 sacked! 200 employees retrenched, 60% of employees moved into marketing, employees now receive targets for salaries. All these are news that is familiar with the economic times we are in. Round and robust employees now save unenthusiastically waiting for the sledge hammer to come their way one day. People in employment are now looking for ways to cheat their bosses before they pull a fast one on them. Survival of the fittest is the mantra, as employees look for ways to push themselves ahead of their friends and colleagues. But then there are still people still being disturbed for employment, there are people who rather than submit CVs, companies look for their CVs and call them to resume when they prefer. I call them the untouchables; and we know them; we see them around, some of us do not like them because of their “excessive energies”, some because the boss just likes them because of the amount they rake in for the company. If there is an award like that in your office, they’d always make “employee of the month“.

Though it has been released for a while, I thought about watching the movie again. I couldn’t stop laughing, but then I didn’t miss the lessons of the movie.

It is an undeniable fact that no company will fire its valuable asset, which includes the best employees. In times like this, when CEOs, MDs and entrepreneurs and seeking to minimise costs and rake in more money, every employee that does not produce is listed under “expenses”. You need to be at the top of your game, you need to enlist among the untouchables. You are not doing your boss a favour, you are actually empowering yourself (Actually, empower in this case, means making yourself powerful). You are building capacity, increasing in value, and are consistently being listed as underpaid by your company- it’s a compliment.  to qualify for  a promotion you must demonstrate the abilities of a higher grade. What will make you the toast of your boss? I advice you to;

1. Help the company earn more.

2. Help the company save more. You cost them more when you destroy company property.

3. Help the company grow their market share.

4. Learn quickly. An organization does not reward you for what they taught you.bring thoughts, connections, personality and experience you have into the business.

5. Execute instructions without mistakes.

6. Solve problems.

7. Package products/ programmes/solutions.

8. Use initiative. Knowing what is expected, and doing it without being told. A company will not value what they told or trained you for.

9. Be a team player.

10. Be an inspiration to others. Gather a large fan base- especially the customers.

11. Make yourself indispensible. Your absence will be thouroughly missed when you add value with your presence.

12. Once you make yourself indispensible, empower others. If you do not train others to replace you, you remain the best in the same position.

Add your thoughts!

It’s Saturday evening and today was full of weddings (I guess I’m not alone on that), I attended two weddings. Lots of couples have their wedding today, in a bid to be romantic.  My commitment to them made me spend a large part of today shuttling Lagos’ busy streets. In the midst of all that, I couldn’t get to see Martha, the one lady who has made all that I’ve learnt and known about relationships a glorious reality. Over the years, our relationship had been pure bliss. . . . .

I must warn, I’m not a fan of Valentine’s day. I believe more unlovable acts occur more on this day than any other day in the year. In fact, I believe the people in need of love are more ignored this day than the rest. I also believe one day is not enough to express our love to the person we truly love. But then, It’s okay to take out a day to celebrate our partner, it is only smart to be sure it’s coming from a heart flowing with love and affection.

So today on vals’day, I bring a couple so wonderful. Knowing them for more than five years, I’ve been inspired and motivated by the element of teamwork and friendship wired into the marriage. Friendship is one factor that will sustain any relationship or marriage. I believe they are one example we can learn from in handling relationships and ultimately marriage.

Getting them interviewed was not easy I must confess. I even wanted both posted on the same day but schedules were tight, so I’ll get to, and interview Deolu later. But then, I present Tope Akinyemi, wife, friend, sister and business partner of Deolu Akinyemi. She is also one powerful blogger you cannot afford to ignore..www.topeakinyemi.com

excerpts:

Deola Kayode: are we ready?

Tope Akinyemi: lol

Tope Akinyemi: Yeah

Tope Akinyemi: Let’s hit the ground running…

Tope Akinyemi: I won’t like it too formal….lol

Tope Akinyemi: ok….

Deola Kayode: Ok then how does it feel and how is been married to an ever busy Deolu Akinyemi like?

Tope Akinyemi: That question does not have a straight forward answer….

Tope Akinyemi: but I’ll say, in the midst of being busy, he has his value based priorities, so it’s fine by me

Deola Kayode: really most of my questions won’t be straight forward, I must warn ahead, but then, just how is your typical day like?

Tope Akinyemi: I and Deolu work together, so we leave the house together in the mornings when he’s in town, and he’s mostly in town

Tope Akinyemi: I’m either at work or attending meetings and set appointments….

Deola Kayode: so you are accountable for the smooth running of the office?

Tope Akinyemi: majorly, yes

Deola Kayode: now I must ask at what point did pharmacy stop being the way 2 go? Because of him or you just followed your passion

Tope Akinyemi: No, it was not because of him. I had actually done tests with the KPMGs and co, but didn’t pass, so I had known shortly after leaving school that pharmacy wasn’t the way anymore

Deola Kayode: you know it just seamlessly flowed that the two of your found each other working together.

Tope Akinyemi: I had worked in different areas of pharmacy which weren’t “just it” so I knew it was a no, no

Tope Akinyemi: Is that a question?

Deola Kayode: do you think it’s easier when couples pursue the same career, as against when they are in different industries 2geda? How has it helped you/

Tope Akinyemi: cos you seem so sure of that statement…lol

Deola Kayode: I was well trained…

Deola Kayode: so?

Yahoo Messenger had issues so we moved over to Skype

[13/02/2009 21:01:08] Deola Kayode says: calling calling

[13/02/2009 22:35:27] Temitope Akinyemi says: you there?

[13/02/2009 22:35:51] Deola Kayode says: the yahoo just started working

[13/02/2009 22:36:11] Deola Kayode says: but then I think I’ll work with this

[13/02/2009 22:36:15] Temitope Akinyemi says: Let’s just stick to this…

[13/02/2009 22:36:20] Temitope Akinyemi says: yep

[13/02/2009 22:36:26] Temitope Akinyemi says: I was saying….

[13/02/2009 22:37:39] Temitope Akinyemi says: Definitely, some things are easier because we work together. We see each other almost all day. That in itself can be either an advantage or otherwise depending on how it’s handled. So, the bottom-line is that working together has helped us to bring out the best in each other for the good of the business, we’re business partners.

[13/02/2009 22:38:04] Deola Kayode says: beautiful…

[13/02/2009 22:38:17] Temitope Akinyemi says: He has some strengths and I have some too….so we quickly identified them and assigned roles

[13/02/2009 22:38:37] Temitope Akinyemi says: and we’ve been working with that model

[13/02/2009 22:39:12] Deola Kayode says: ok so without actually understanding how the person works, thinks and acts.. it’s a dangerous model

[13/02/2009 22:40:00] Temitope Akinyemi says: sure, it’s going to be dangerous

[13/02/2009 22:40:18] Temitope Akinyemi says: even with employees, we use the same model

[13/02/2009 22:40:44] Deola Kayode says: understanding each other must have taken a while. When did u first set eyes on each other (it’s getting interesting?)

[13/02/2009 22:40:57] Temitope Akinyemi says: Everyone has the opportunity to choose where they think their strengths and or interests lie…

[13/02/2009 22:41:11] Deola Kayode says: k

[13/02/2009 22:42:01] Temitope Akinyemi says: Well, he was the first to notice me, we were in JSS 2

[13/02/2009 22:42:11] Temitope Akinyemi says: FGCIlorin

[13/02/2009 22:42:31] Temitope Akinyemi says: I didn’t know him then, we were in different arms of the same class

[13/02/2009 22:43:13] Deola Kayode says: lol. JSS2… sustaining the friendship and love must have taken a lot. When did he actually request for your partnership in a relationship

[13/02/2009 22:44:13] Temitope Akinyemi says: partnership….lol

[13/02/2009 22:44:38] Temitope Akinyemi says: That was Part II going to III in the University.

[13/02/2009 22:44:48] Temitope Akinyemi says: I was in UI and him, in OAU

[13/02/2009 22:45:26] Deola Kayode says: ok that’s another record. a distanr relationship, But let me take them 1 by 1.

[13/02/2009 22:45:43] Deola Kayode says: being successful with a relationship means bringing out the best in that partner and ensuring that the partner is well prepared for future challenges . . .then getting to marry that partner;  you both succeeded @ all these…

[13/02/2009 22:47:29] Temitope Akinyemi says: hmmm…

[13/02/2009 22:48:31] Deola Kayode says: what must you have known, learnt or attained to begin to tell yourself you are ready for a relationship, because, if just any Part II student jumps into a relationship..We might be looking at a ship-wreck.

[13/02/2009 22:49:09] Deola Kayode says: if not age, class and money what minimum criteria tells us we are ready 4 a relationship?

[13/02/2009 22:49:13] Temitope Akinyemi says: Attained, NO

[13/02/2009 22:49:39] Temitope Akinyemi says: Learnt/Known, yes

[13/02/2009 22:49:42] Deola Kayode says: teach me…

[13/02/2009 22:50:38] Temitope Akinyemi says: The foundation we had was a healthy friendship and that was the basis of our relationship.

[13/02/2009 22:51:21] Temitope Akinyemi says: I didn’t have goose pimples or butterflies in my tummy whenever i saw him, but we were real with each other, very real….

[13/02/2009 22:51:51] Deola Kayode says: how long was the courtship

[13/02/2009 22:52:14] Temitope Akinyemi says: Over 5years

[13/02/2009 22:52:25] Deola Kayode says: wow

[13/02/2009 22:53:50] Temitope Akinyemi says: To the last question, the minimum criteria for a relationship is a whole person, who has value and can add value to a relationship

[13/02/2009 22:54:56] Temitope Akinyemi says: not a hurting/needy person who just wants affection

[13/02/2009 22:55:05] Deola Kayode says: value . . . it means means things, being fine, able to express themselves, bold

[13/02/2009 22:55:47] Temitope Akinyemi says: the most important part of a person is the core….what is within

[13/02/2009 22:56:16] Deola Kayode says: So then a relationship might not be a solution for a needy or someone in need of a lover

[13/02/2009 22:56:25] Temitope Akinyemi says: a person doesn’t have to be bold initially, that can be helped

[13/02/2009 22:56:33] Temitope Akinyemi says: Content is key

[13/02/2009 22:57:02] Temitope Akinyemi says: It’s definitely not the way to go for a needy person

[13/02/2009 22:57:09] Temitope Akinyemi says: or hurting

[13/02/2009 22:58:02] Temitope Akinyemi says: That’s why a lot of ladies get into trouble…looking for love

[13/02/2009 22:58:03] Deola Kayode says: So what can be done to the person likes the container first, and has not discovered the content, is a relationship a way to find out if they are compatible? This is a bait

[13/02/2009 22:59:50] Temitope Akinyemi says: You have to take time to know what the person’s made of. I don’t think you need to go so far to have a good idea of a person’s stance about a number of things….

[13/02/2009 23:00:28] Temitope Akinyemi says: Container ain’t bad, but when marriage happens, content is what you’ll be living with….it’s key

[13/02/2009 23:02:04] Deola Kayode says: k. so to the point. A relationship is with someone you intend to marry, and not finding out if you can marry?

[13/02/2009 23:04:10] Temitope Akinyemi says: If a relationship is for finding out if you can marry someone, then you will have to do that many times…….but yeah, a relationship should be with someone you intend to marry

[13/02/2009 23:06:20] Deola Kayode says: but most people actually do that. . .I mean getting into a relationship to see how it goes…. my next shot..

[13/02/2009 23:06:48] Deola Kayode says: how do you handle conflicts and disagreements issues et al.

[13/02/2009 23:10:29] Temitope Akinyemi says: By COMMUNICATING….that’s the only thing that works

[13/02/2009 23:11:13] Temitope Akinyemi says: we both say our perspectives and settle the difference

[13/02/2009 23:11:28] Deola Kayode says: there’s communicating and COMMUNICATING O! From which stand point does that take place…

[13/02/2009 23:11:39] Temitope Akinyemi says: yesssso

[13/02/2009 23:16:15] Deola Kayode says: because I think the problems come with the kind of communicating. Can I say communication to understand and not to prove a point.

[13/02/2009 23:17:01] Temitope Akinyemi says: Communication to first seek to understand. This involves majorly listening

[13/02/2009 23:17:15] Temitope Akinyemi says: before you seek to be understood

[13/02/2009 23:18:05] Temitope Akinyemi says: Proving a point never helps, even if you’re correct…

[13/02/2009 23:18:13] Temitope Akinyemi says: Listen, and then speak

[13/02/2009 23:18:37] Temitope Akinyemi says: I’m not forcy, but I’ve learnt that….

[13/02/2009 23:20:05] Deola Kayode says: let me come to your distant relationship. What gave you the peace of mind to leave this guy in Ife, and you in Ilorin, most relationships don’t not survive that

[13/02/2009 23:20:57] Temitope Akinyemi says: Point of correction, I was in University of Ibadan, premier Uni

[13/02/2009 23:21:48] Deola Kayode says: so sorry… UI vs. OAU

[13/02/2009 23:22:22] Temitope Akinyemi says: On a more serious note, I had as much peace about him as I had in myself; I never doubted for a second that he would misbehave…

[13/02/2009 23:22:49] Temitope Akinyemi says: We had a relationship with God that had defined our ways of life….

[13/02/2009 23:23:37] Temitope Akinyemi says: There’re certain things that have no RAM space in our minds, our convictions and values were intact

[13/02/2009 23:23:43] Deola Kayode says: ok, so your confidence in “the God he believes” reassured you

[13/02/2009 23:24:31] Deola Kayode says: that will drag you into handling sexual pressures, how did u manage that. . .5 yrs+

[13/02/2009 23:26:18] Temitope Akinyemi says: By restating what we knew we must not do

[13/02/2009 23:26:52] Temitope Akinyemi says: and giving ourselves reason to see that too much was at stake if we messed up

[13/02/2009 23:27:06] Deola Kayode says: before the relationship began . . . or when the signs were becoming obvious

[13/02/2009 23:27:12] Temitope Akinyemi says: It was enough to keep us focused…

[13/02/2009 23:28:16] Temitope Akinyemi says: Moreso, too many people were looking up to us, especially him, and you should never preach what you don’t practice, and too much was at stake

[13/02/2009 23:28:47] Temitope Akinyemi says: Before the relationship began, and during as well

[13/02/2009 23:32:20] Deola Kayode says: if there was one quality about him you’ll never want to see missing which would it be?

[13/02/2009 23:33:10] Temitope Akinyemi says: that’s a veeeery tough question o

[13/02/2009 23:34:32] Deola Kayode says: I take that as him being full of compliments

[13/02/2009 23:34:50] Temitope Akinyemi says: abi o

[13/02/2009 23:35:23] Temitope Akinyemi says: because if I mention one, I will feel like mentioning another

[13/02/2009 23:35:42] Deola Kayode says: k lemme give u five

[13/02/2009 23:36:18] Temitope Akinyemi says: that’s generous!

[13/02/2009 23:36:49] Temitope Akinyemi says: In no particular order….

[13/02/2009 23:38:05] Deola Kayode says: anyone would guess that

[13/02/2009 23:39:54] Temitope Akinyemi says: He’s a man of wisdom; he’s passionate, got great sense of humour

[13/02/2009 23:40:46] Deola Kayode says: ok…

[13/02/2009 23:41:39] Temitope Akinyemi says: and he’s got integrity and creative

[13/02/2009 23:42:41] Deola Kayode says: on two counts I want 2 messages on building relationships for

1. Those in relationships

2. Those in marriage . . . one more question and I’ll let you rest, you have a busy day tomrrow

[13/02/2009 23:45:29] Temitope Akinyemi says: For those in relationships, I’ll say, this period is the best opportunity to build a fantastic foundation of friendship, don’t waste it doing irrelevant things….talk and talk, ask questions, know each other as much as possible

[13/02/2009 23:47:21] Temitope Akinyemi says: Two, use this period to become friends with each other’s friends, colleagues, etc; move into each other’s world, become involved, it helps you even see what others think about your partner. This really helped me

[13/02/2009 23:50:09] Deola Kayode says: this is my valentine edition; in one final note sister, I want you to send him a message from here (he might as well be reading your “typings” anyway)

[13/02/2009 23:50:52] Temitope Akinyemi says: For those in marriage, don’t stop talking. On the day that happens, the marriage begins to dwindle. Also, a successful home is about a conscious decision to have it so, let every selfish decision be checked by the mutual vision of having a model home

[13/02/2009 23:51:17] Temitope Akinyemi says: Yessso, he’s peeping on and off, beside me here

[13/02/2009 23:53:40] Deola Kayode says: you just gave a powerful one on marriage there… thanks!

[13/02/2009 23:56:53] Deola Kayode says: u dere…

[13/02/2009 23:57:30] Temitope Akinyemi says: Adeolu Babawale Adigun Akinyemi, you’re too many things rolled in one. You’re God’s perfect gift to me and I’m ever grateful. Thank God I said “YES”. This season is not sufficient to express my love and affection towards you, my husband, lover, business partner and best friend. I celebrate you and will always love you. Your baby….

[13/02/2009 23:57:40] Temitope Akinyemi says: I could go on and on….lol

[13/02/2009 23:58:53] Deola Kayode says: should I be surprised?

[13/02/2009 23:59:03] Temitope Akinyemi says: Are we done?

[13/02/2009 23:59:33] Deola Kayode says: yes

[13/02/2009 23:59:53] Deola Kayode says: I must thank you for such a splendid moment, and have a pleasant val’s day.

[13/02/2009 23:59:57] Temitope Akinyemi says: it’s a pleasure

(this interview started some hours into val). The same foundations and principles that make relationships last and marriage blissful are core principles of friendship. Is he/she your best friend?, how do you relate? Do you spend more time appreciating her strengths, or complaining about his weaknesses.

Intimacy + commitment = friendship

Intimacy + commitment + passion= Love

Finally, do you have a vision of what your relationship should be? that is responsible for the way it is today. Commit youself to making your partner happy and you’ll be surprised at the results. Really what we give, sow, express, project and communicate ( by action and words) will ultimately come back to us as a reward – - Good or Bad.

A capsule of wisdom in a season of watering love.

Happy Valentines day. watch out for part II with Deolu Akinyemi

After the pleasantries, I set to business, with the one man who has given colour to an occasion people naturally associated with doom. He talks about identifying business ideas and interests, handling competition, and the need to develop yourself while managing your business. Excerpts;

DEOLA: You came into this business and turned it into an enterprise that lots of people are now rushing into. Did you see this cash mine before venturing into it, or you just explored and it clicked?

Okusanya:  I know you know that this business was not started by me. It was by my father, he was actually a cabinet maker who was involved into making different kinds of furniture including coffins, while we go to the workshop to play; you know we lived around here, I even schooled here, so is most people who later came into the funeral business; even at times it was a form of punishment for children in the area to be sent there. I grew up developing interest in what my father was making.

 I have discovered it is faster and easier to develop your business along the areas of your interest. Most people you see around succeeding is because they have developed their interests along the areas of their passion. So I discovered that even after I had started working I still went back at times to watch my father work. I also did not really like my job then, so I decided to help my dad with coffins. So one day one man came in and asked if we had people who could help them carry the coffins, we said we had none. I eventually had to use my friend, my driver, myself and one other person, and that was how we started. I didn’t really see, I was just exploring, and there were even attempts to discourage me then; you know, an educated person coming to carry coffins. It was even my greatest edge in that I was educated, it just shows, it just shows…

DEOLA: since you mention education, what management training has helped you in the management of this training?

Okusanya:  Not really like that, when I talk about education I am not talking of classroom business management classes. You know if you go to school you shouldn’t just sit down and learn about your course, but an enlightened mind. There are too many unemployable people in Nigeria who went into school; you see them all around every time. People who just want to lazy about, looking for easy money everywhere they are plenty all around us here. Lots of politicians enjoy the money because they came into power looking for self fulfilment and just consume the resources of the people, even when they leave power with so much they can’t spend it in peace. They have not understood when it means to be a leader.  Imagine a learned person like the present Governor of Lagos (in Nigeria- Gov. Raji Fashola (SAN)) and see what he is doing all around, he was not just one politician only interested in money, he is trying to give Lagos a new face and name but some people are complaining because they cannot see from the same perspective as he is seeing. There is something that study or education does to you. All I addes to my Dad’s business were some ideas and

When precisely did this business become the way to go?

DEOLA:   How do you deal with competition, since it became an attractive market for s many people?

Okusanya:  I really do not spend my time on watching competition; I believe everyone should just focus on his business and seek to develop-there is enough market for all. The only problem comes when some other people try to copy other’s designs and concepts, they only become number two and they water down the standards. They give substandard service and products and reduce the business values they ac actually stand for. I just try to develop my business and seek ways to improve. Like our pall bearing service, it is a fully customized process; we try to tailor the occasion to the people’s tradition. If you are from the north we dress like northerners, sing their songs; if you come from the Calabar area, we fashion ways to make that suit you.

 You see to succeed in business you have to keep developing and breathing professionalism. Those makes us stand out, in fact most of our customers come from people who were refereed to us by others.

DEOLA:   Which project has been your most challenging one?

Okusanya:  None! You see every job is a new challenge, I try to be in every funeral we provide service for but I cannot be everywhere, but I do not see each funeral as the same. Each funeral carries a different meaning to the different families we cater for. They carry different meaning for them and so it is for us too.  We try to tailor our services to suit the individual needs and that takes some effort. There are times when the clients require customized caskets and we do that for them. So, we take every job with seriousness because we are not just doing a job, we are treating the deceased with the same honour the family members will treat him and what he meant to the people who loved him.

DEOLA:   How would you encourage entrepreneurs in the face of the different challenges to conquer when running a business in Nigeria?

Okusanya:  I believe people should just pay attention and focus on one area, we fail when we just move around into various businesses. We also fail if we try to watch and follow what the other people are doing. Everyone should find a good place to work. I like people who work. Somehow those challenges push us to work harder and also, let us stop complaining about this problems and let’s start dealing with it in every individual way, gradually we will overcome them.

DEOLA:   thank you sir, it has been a nice time

Okusanya:  No problem, it’s always a pleasure, deola.

Why is it that so many marriages do not work? Why does a relationship that starts with two people gazing longingly and lovingly into each others’ eyes, end with those same people not even being able to look at each other except in disgust? Why is it that two people who promise each other to do everything to make the other happy, end up not being able to bring themselves to even acknowledge the other’s presence?

Before you even attempt to answer these questions consider the following examples:

1. A guy I know met a lovely young lady during our first year in university and shortly afterwards, started dating. This “model relationship” continued all the way to graduation. They eventually got married a few years after university (they had been together for a total of 9yrs before they got married). How lovely! One might say. Well, they were divorced 6months after they got married.

2. An acquaintance had been dating this girl for about 6years. They broke up, she met someone else and she was married within a year of meeting the new guy. They were divorced 3months later.

3. I heard of a couple who had been together since they were in their teens. By the time they were married, they had been together for about 16years. They divorced 2months after the wedding.

Just in case you were wondering, these are real life examples. I could go on with so many more, but there wouldn’t be space for anything else.
There are about a thousand reasons why marriages do not work, but for the purpose of this article, I will just deal with what I call the change factor.
Is this a guy problem or is it a girl problem? Is it a parental problem or is it a societal problem?

When two people meet and discover they like each other enough to want to be together, it feels like a breath of fresh air. He’s met this girl who makes him feel like he’s never felt before in his life. She’s met this guy who makes her believe that God indeed answers prayers. They start off on this journey that would take only death to pry one away from the other. They become each other’s confidant, telling each other stuff they’ve never told anyone before; he’s the last person she talks to before she sleeps and the first person she talks to when she wakes up; all of a sudden, the cries of “I’m so busy, I haven’t got time for a relationship” become, “let’s take next week off, so we can go off somewhere”. In short, it’s a dream come true. Neither can see any reason why this cannot go on forever. In the not too distant future, wedding bells begin to ring.

When the wedding ends, the marriage starts. Unfortunately, the word marriage means different things to different people. I use the word, “unfortunately” because marriage should be the beginning of a lifetime journey of discovery and devotion, initially to your spouse and eventually to your new family, when children come into the picture. That in no way implies that the journey is or will be an easy one. But what makes it easier (not easy) to deal with, is the knowledge that you are devoted to someone else other than yourself and that someone else is as devoted to you. But the reality is that no matter how devoted a couple is to each other prior to tying the knot, marriage always brings a new set of expectations. Things that they used to laugh and joke about now become disrespectful. Statements like, “I’m your husband, you cannot talk to me like that” or “Do you expect me to be a wife without an opinion?” become frequent and before you know what is happening, everyday becomes about conflict resolution.

The Husband

When he was not yet a husband, he was the ideal boyfriend. Always attentive, extremely caring, generous, protective (not possessive), and a dozen other “Thanksgiving-worthy” adjectives. He is completely selfless in his love and devotion to his girlfriend. When a childhood friend says, “how can you be with that girl, I know about 20 people she’s been with”, he ex-communicates that friend. When another friend says, “you guys look so happy”, he glows and that one becomes his new best friend. He introduces her to his parents and they fall in love with her, as she is such a cultured young lady. He meets her parents and they are so happy that their daughter has found a responsible young man. He’s now ready to step it up, so he buys a ring and proposes in the most romantic, fairytale- way imaginable. She accepts and wedding plans start. HOLD ON! He calls up his new best friend and says, “I’ve noticed some things about her that I don’t like, and I never noticed them before. Was I so in love that I did not notice or are her true colours coming out?” His friend says, “don’t worry, no matter how much you love her, you cannot like every single thing about her, but maybe you should tell her about it.” He decides not to, because he does not want it to seem like an excuse to not get married.

So the wedding plans continue as normal and D day finally arrives. The wedding ends, the marriage starts and for the first few months, it’s all good. Suddenly, he wonders why he should go grocery shopping with her every month like they used to. He tells himself, “after all, we’re married now and I’m the husband. It’s her duty to do that”. Again, he wonders why he should help her out in the kitchen when she’s dead tired, like he used to when they were dating. He tells himself, “after all, we’re married now and I’m the husband. It’s her duty to do that”. Again, he wonders why she gets upset when he works late without telling her he’ll be late. He tells himself, “after all, I was out working like a responsible man and I take care of my responsibilities, why should I take permission from her to come home late from work?” Again, he wonders why she should use his phone without telling him or answer his phone without him asking her to, like they used to with each other’s phones when they were dating. He tells himself, “What right does she have to answer my phone without permission, isn’t my mobile phone supposed to be private?” Again, he wonders why she should argue with him when he wants to watch “prison break” while “sex and the city” is on, they used to take turns to watch their favourite shows together. He tells himself, “after all, I am the husband and pay all the bills, so I should be able to watch what I want in my own house.”

By this time, the relationship that was filled with so much laughter becomes one filled with so much tension, because she feels she has to practically walk on egg shells so as not to anger him.

The Wife

She was the ideal girlfriend; caring, loving considerate, thoughtful and selfless. A childhood friend tells her, “that guy is a player, I heard he’s a heartbreak specialist”. Her response, “I’ve always known you were jealous of me.” She knows he is the one and has never felt stronger about anything in her life. She’s waiting and hoping that he proposes to her. When he eventually does, she tells herself, “can life be any more wonderful?”
The wedding ends, the marriage starts and for the first few months, it’s all good. Suddenly, she wonders why he wants to go out with his friends on Friday nights, when he should be home with his wife. She tells herself, “He used to go out a lot when we were dating but should that not stop now that he is married?” Again, she wonders why she cannot answer his phone when it rings. She tells herself, “Now that we are married, should I not be able to answer my husband’s phone?” Again, she wonders why he spends so much time at work. She tells herself, “Now that he is married, should the overtimes he’s working not be reduced, so we can spend more time together?”

What you will notice from these two scenarios is that after the marriage, they both had different expectations from the other. They expected the other to be a certain way, “because we are now married.” Marriage is a journey and usually a difficult one, because you are no longer living for yourself but for someone else (well, that’s how it should be anyway). When a couple gets to the point where they feel like the other should change things that they initially had no problem with, because they are now married, it will take a miracle for that marriage to stand. Take one of the issues in the first scenario: This must have been a guy who would probably call and say, “I’m working late today darling, will be home about 9 or so”. But when he gets married, he believes as long as she knows he’s at wok, he does not need “permission” to be home late from work. You might be surprised at the number of times I’ve actually heard this line from guys. That’s not seeking permission; that is acknowledging the fact that there is someone else in your life and that person should be important enough know to why you are not home on time. I don’t think this makes you any less a man.

Admittedly, there is a behaviour on the part of a wife that makes a man feel that if he acknowledges this fact, it’s tantamount to emasculation. It’s possible, and it has been known to happen, for the wife to act in such a way that the husband does not feel like he owes her any kind of explanation. Consider this example: John is a hardworking man. He has a job that sometimes requires him to be at work till about 9 or 10pm. His fiancée knows this and in fact loves that he is so hardworking and takes his work seriously. They got married and after a few months, she started complaining about the time he spends at work. He is genuinely surprised because his weekdays have always been like that. She believes now that he is married, he has to do something about it. The situation has always been like that and he cannot understand why there is a problem now.

He’s even more irritated because he goes out of his way to leave work as early as is practicable, but the nature of his job means he usually has no choice. It’s painful to him because he wonders how his wife can know all this and still act the way she is. If the wife in this case had an issue with his work hours before they were married, she should have mentioned it to him. It’s always much easier to deal with a problem when it rears its head than to wait for it to grow and fester. She could have thought, “Well, when we’re married, I’m sure he will reduce the hours”, forgetting he actually does not pick the hours he works. If she had voiced her concern before the wedding, it would have been easier to resolve, rather than wait till they were married (and in case you were wondering, it’s NOT possible that the work hours did not cross her mind before she accepted his proposal). This is where selflessness and sacrifice come in.

A couple needs to understand something very simple: it is NOT your duty or responsibility to make yourself happy, it’s your spouse’s duty. That probably does not make sense, but think about this for a second. If your priority in your relationship is to make yourself happy, and your spouse’s priority is to make himself/herself happy, what you have is a self-centred relationship. That sounds harsh but that is the reality, because in many regards, each one will try to ensure that he/she is happy and the other person’s happiness becomes secondary. You might argue that it’s possible to make yourself and your spouse happy, which does make sense. But what do you think would happen if you left that job to your spouse, while you concentrate on making the other person happy. If both are honest about this, that’s going to be a relationship that would be pretty hard to break. The problem of course becomes, “what if you know you are concentrating on making the other person happy and the other person is not doing the same, what then?” Well, it is more than likely that if the other person is not doing the same, there is a reason. Try to talk to them. Find out what is wrong and if there is something you’re doing or not doing. This sounds a bit mushy, but if you really want your marriage to work, you have to be willing to make sacrifices and if you consider sitting your spouse down (especially men!) and having that kind of conversation a bit much, I’ll say this; try it and see what happens.
People need to understand that marriage goes way beyond the festivities of the wedding and the anticipation of living together. Marriage involves an incredible amount of sacrifice. A very common problem is unwillingness to make that kind of sacrifice or just not realising that it takes the kind of sacrifice that you have never made before to make a marriage work. I know that sounds like a cliché because everyone says it, but have you actually sat down to really think about what those words mean? Before you pack your bags, ask yourself a very simple, but very profound question, “Have I done everything to make this work? If there was another chance, would I do things differently?” If so, “which things would I do differently?” If you can be honest with yourself and not let ego cloud your reasoning, your marriage CAN still work.

Sacrifice is about forgetting about you.

Sacrifice is about closing the door on your ego.

Sacrifice is about swapping convenience for inconvenience for the sake of your relationship.

Sacrifice is about acknowledging the fact that your spouse’s happiness is primary and yours is secondary.

Sacrifice is about accepting a view you don’t necessarily agree with for the sake of peace in your home.

Sacrifice is realisation of the fact that disagreements will arise, but they do not need to escalate to quarrels.

Sacrifice for women, is the realisation that no matter how strong-willed you are, your husband is the head of the home and should be accorded that respect.

Sacrifice for men, is the realisation that head of the home is not synonymous with dictator.

Sacrifice for women, is the realisation that ALL men are born with egos and when you try to compete with a man’s ego, the marriage is the sufferer.

Sacrifice for men is the realisation that her being married to you is a choice she made and it’s your duty to make sure she does not ever regret making that choice.

Sacrifice for women is the realisation that you cannot understand a man’s ego because you were not created to understand it.

Sacrifice for men is the realisation that women were created to be loved, not understood.

One of the reasons why there is such a sharp contrast between when people are dating and when they get married is because in the former, they tend to be more tolerant (either because he feels, “I’m sure when we’re married, she will stop doing this or that”, or she feels, “he is not my husband, so he should not expect me to be this or that way”). Obviously, there are things that responsible men and women should stop or start doing when they are married. The problem is that men and women expect the other to know what changes to make as soon as marriage sets in. People are stuck in the mind frame of, “a man should know what he ought to do” and “a woman should know what she ought to do.” So I guess the obvious question is, “if you should not expect someone to change as a result of marriage, how are you sure the person knows how you want your marriage to be?”

The answer to that is quite simple; Talk about it, BEFORE the wedding! The problem is so many people spend so much time planning their wedding, but not their marriage. And if you think a talk about a subject like that may be awkward, then maybe the relationship is not as strong as you think or want to believe it is. If you had issues with certain things before the wedding, why do you think marriage will change it? When you were dating, you used to go grocery shopping together, you’re married now and feel it’s the wife’s duty. While I don’t have a problem with a man or woman’s duties, men need to understand that things as simple as grocery shopping mean a lot to women. For women, it’s a lot more than grocery shopping; it’s about doing something together as a couple. If during the pre-marriage period, they hardly or never did that together, that’s fine. But if you had no problem with it before you were married, why is it a problem now? Someone might argue that, “I’m the only one that works, I get back home and I’m tired. Is it too much to ask her to do just that?” That’s a valid argument, but the question in that case would be, how was that issue resolved before you got married? If you were not living together before the wedding, then there should have been a discussion about issues like that (it does not have to a formal, serious discussion). I’ll say this again, so many people spend so much time planning their weddings, that they forget to plan their marriage.

A lot of people believe they can change the other person. The fact is, no one can change anybody. Someone can decide to change because of someone, but can also decide not to change. My point is, if you met and fell in love with someone and did not like certain things, but were quiet about it, don’t expect marriage to change them. If you have an issue with things he/she does, sit down and have an honest conversation about it. Unless you’re married to a psychic, don’t expect the other person to know what you want or expect without telling the person and then get upset when they act the way they’ve always acted.

The bottom line is this: The way a relationship was prior to getting married does not have to change because of marriage. If anything, marriage should make that relationship deeper. Spouses should make sure that their priority is the happiness of the other. If we can all be honest about this, the sky will be the starting point, not the limit.

Today, I am pleased to start with the man behind the “keke POET” project, and the administrator of dipotepede.com and poetsolvers.com. Having known him for over 7 years, He’s one person who is gradually warming him way through the economy while touching the lives of others. Behind his posts and the management of his site, I decided to ask pointed questions about him and his business. His name is Dipo Tepede, enjoy his story.

1. Mr. Dipo Tepede, can we meet yon? (Your passions, likes, what u do…)

I am a growth oriented individual and love empowering people to grow; I love anything that makes me grow on a personal level. If I have to be involved in anything at all, I always tie it to personal growth. I started a blog because I wanted to overcome my weakness of writing; I read books in order to grow in learning; my greatest moments are when I am teaching and motivating people on personal growth; it’s my greatest joy to see someone move from a low level to a high level like the graduate trying to be employed or employee trying to be financially independent. This is my passion; this is what drives me.

2. In a recent survey, it was discovered that over 75% of graduates are not found in their area of study 5 years after graduation, what do u think is responsible? (Should I mention you studied chemistry?)

75% is a very generous fraction because I strongly believe that the figure is about 95% in Nigeria. I believe the issue faults from the educational background where we choose our course of study based on the perceived prestige or economic value. We live in a society where we are not allowed to be ourselves but we are pressured to suck up to the joneses. We kill all our conscience and intuition to please the world that does not even care about our well being.

After getting all “A”s in my junior WAEC, I was forced to join the Science Classes which led me to think about studying Computer with Economics because of my flair for science and social science. Unfortunately, my JAMB grades were not good enough so I settled for Chemistry hoping to cross over. Fortunately, my brother advised me on the trend in the job market that the course you do, does not matter; all you need is to get is a 2-1 in any course and you would be able to choose the job you want. He was definitely right but self discovery is a different ball game all together.

3. What facilitated your disengagement from Globacom?

Globacom is a very (nice)ok place to work with good pay and relatively less work load so it was a difficult decision for me to do.

The termination of my appointment with Globacom was a combination of factors but the chief driver was my MBA program in Sweden which I wanted to finish very well; whatever my hands find to do I should give it my best. I was joggling my MBA program with my work at Globacom in 2007 and I was topping the class in my first semester. My second semester was quite different; the course work was more tasking and it involved my presence in Sweden especially for an exam. It was quite impossible joggling the work, my family and the MBA program; my grades where plummeting. Forecasting on my thesis work that would involve my travel to China for some period of time, I knew there was no way Globacom was going to give me that time away from work but there was something that gave me the confidence to finally walk away; I made substantial amount of money from various MLM activities that I was involved in and I wanted to try my hands on some social businesses.

4. It really seems you’ve been enjoying yourself around the globe, but I’m sure it was not all fun. Behind all that what exactly have you been up to?

I realize that I enjoy travelling which is part of my growth passion; discovering new places, learning new culture and expanding my intellect.

Well, it is all fun for me whenever I travel even when work is involved; I remember travelling to Rome for three days and it was business meeting from morning to night and I enjoyed the experience.

My last travel involved so many things wrapped up together; I was in Dubai to close up some deals with some selected DGCX brokers, I was in Hong Kong and some part of China purely for research and finally and most crucial, I was in China for my “keke POeT Project”. The “keke POeT Project” is a social venture with a business perspective. It is targeted towards underprivileged secondary school graduates who do not have the means to go to university or polytechnic but have the desire. It is also targeted towards workers who do not have time to invest but have the means. The “keke POeT Project” satisfies two different demographics in Nigeria and we are looking at ways to expand it to other West African countries.

5. How has your experience at Globacom and Access Bank helped you in these new assignments?

The experiences I got in Glo and Access were pivotal to the “keke POeT Project”. The skills I developed while working in these two companies have helped me thus far in the pilot stage of this project. I believe there are more challenges that would require the experiences derived from these great companies as I move ahead because the project is still in its nascent stage.

6. What does a Dubai Gold Commodity Exchange (DGCX) mean and what services are you offering Nigerians?

Dubai Gold Commodity Exchange (DGCX) is one of the commodities futures and derivative exchange market in the world located in Dubai. I am a certified professional with DGCX and I was looking for the best way to share my knowledge in this important aspect of business. DGCX is not just a way to invest and make money; it’s a knowledge you would need if you want to be engaged in international business.

So I said to myself, ‘How do I venture into this all important task of sharing this knowledge without affecting my other programs and entrepreneurial activities?’ I thought of training but I debunked it after some time when I realized the commitment of marketing it for success, so I realized the best thing to do was to write a book on it and leverage Amazon for marketing to Nigerians in Diaspora and do free seminars in Nigeria where the book would be sold. The book would be completed soonest.

7. The Poet initiative has been on for a while, what is the purpose behind poetsolvers.com?

POeT means Prophets On empowerment Tactics; I have a prophetic unction from God Almighty and I am empowering the world using various tactics. I started in OAU, Ife in my year 2 and the project lives on till I leave this earth.

POeTSolvers means POeT Solution Providers. It’s majorly a consulting outfit registered with the CAC in Nigeria. The vision is to empower Nigerians financially through various platforms like training, books, blogs and social businesses. POeTSolvers.com is the official web site,

8. Behind the entire internet processes and the razzmatazz of business, what drives you?

Like I mentioned earlier on, my drive towards anything on this earth is growth, empowerment, development and change. These are my passion; it’s my joy to see someone change from one level to another. I am also happiest when I am involved in anything that causes change like motivating youths and teaching through my blog. This is why I do them for free because it makes me happy but the business angle comes in to sustain the projects.

I realized that God gave me business talents to control organic growth of empowerment projects that I am venturing in and may venture in the future. My “keke POeT Project” was derived from Mohammed Yunus – Nobel Prize Winner for Peace in 2006 who was able to use business to salvage the poor of Bangladesh through microcredit. I am also coming up with ways to influence my community and hopefully win a Nobel Prize in the near future. I foresee other projects like film and television production. You would definitely need a strong business skill to make your investors happy when making films but you would derive the joy of passing your message across,

9. There is an imbalance in the system. Lots of people are desperate for jobs, while a fewer portion are pulling the bull, and starting their own businesses, which has been better for you?

There is a book we are developing in POeTSolvers called JOB FINDERS. It’s a total solution to job hunting in Nigeria. I am surprised why people are desperate for jobs when they do not have the requisite skill and knowledge to get the job. If you want to get a job, you need to develop yourself to get the job; there is no magic about it.

When I finished my undergraduate program, I wanted to join PWC but I failed the aptitude test three times. I had to tell myself the truth by developing myself; failure is only an indication that you are not yet ready for that level. Developing yourself increases your chances and makes you stand out amongst your peers.

There is really no scarcity of jobs but scarcity of the right people. When I was in Glo, there was a recruitment process to get into Glo Gateway – the international business arm of Glo. It was every staffs dream to work in Gateway so management placed a bar on the people allowed to work in Gateway by saying only those that have international MBAs can work there. Guess what? I got into Gateway without this prerequisite (no MBA not to talk of international) because I stood out. I have developed myself amidst several failures from PWC and P&G.

Now talking about which one is better; it depends on individuals, their dreams and their aspirations. It’s better for one to know what he/she wants at the earlier age in life. I am not really a fan of those who venture on their own because they could not secure a job; if your dream is to secure a job, please develop yourself to get the job. Do not go on your own because you could not get a job. This is why POeTSolvers took out time to develop JOB FINDERS – a total solution for job seekers so that you can secure that dream job.

10. For me it looks like there are silent internet communities rising to redefine the values of a new Nigeria. How are you contributing your own quota?

I believe there are so many communities rising up to redefine the standards in Nigeria but most do not have access to the media. The internet is a cost effective way to pass across your message and for those fighting through the internet to create positive change, I give kudos to all of them.

I have a blog at www.dipotepede.com titled DipoTepede.POeT where I attempt to provoke the minds of individuals towards personal growth. At this season of my life, I am focused on the financial aspect of growth. I am also trying to get various minds together in POeTSolvers Article Conference located at www.poetsolvers.com/ams to discuss best ways to inert the gravity of poverty. You are all welcome to share your views through articles, comments, etc.

Thank you very much Deola, for giving me the opportunity to reflect on my vision; the interview was very stimulating and rewarding. Wishing you the best bro!