Posted by
deola in Sunday, April 6th 2008
This will be the concluding part of my post on certain factors that make relationships fail.
SUCCESSFUL CONFLICTSConflicts may be absolutely normal in relationships, but too much of disagreements and issues may destroy the emotional strengths, deplete trust and increase the amount of doubt in the future of the relationship. Conflicts in the relationship are indications of the places that need ironing out between the new lovers. Lovers must ensure that their position and wants (habits, attitudes and preferences) do not threaten the very fabric of the relationship.
We must therefore enter into relationships with the mindset of, in the words of Norman Wright as immigrants and not colonialists. Immigrants enter into cities and countries with an open mind, to grow, to learn, and to adapt to the environment in which they were finding themselves. Colonialists, especially the ones to Africa depict a mean and selfish stance towards development. Colonial lovers, like the ones who colonized Africa will never want to learn about the other, they will try to enforce their lifestyle, habits, language and preferences on the other partner instead of learning to adjust to and with their partner. Even with conflicts, they never could be the reason why relationships end; it is the depletion of trust in the future of the relationship. So watch out, those fits may harm your heart!
COMPROMISE
??????The word compromise may be a very dreadful word for some other people. It probably connotes succumbing to lower unwanted standards. In the case of relationships, it a posture that gives people room for error and admits no one is perfect. It is interesting to know people want relationships without giving people room for growth or errors, while others toleratethem. Those unwilling to forgive, can pretty much count on having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are disasters waiting to happen. Love relationships are like flowers. They need tending to or they’ll die.
SHALLOW RELATIONSHIPS
So many relationships revolve around eateries, dinners, parties and events and fun- in short everything that spells excitement except reality. Many of those in these kind of unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality and issues that can threaten the existence of the relationship. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear to be the perfect spouse. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. These kinds of situation called “relationships” are usually exclusive to the lovers in that they are kind of isolated from their friends, thus isolated from external and unbiased views of others.
since humans attitudes, history and personalities are variables, the factors are endless. the factors are just pointers to the fact that things reraly happen suddenly and without our contributions. it is better to recognize our positions and work towards a long lasing happiness. ciao
